Damn, UnHackMe Security Software

Damn you, Unhackme Security Software. I’m so freaking mad at you I’m not even including a link to your piece of shit.

Now, I must justify my opinion about your software.

It is decent. Not perfect, and a bit pre-1999 in design and layout, and it does the job – I think.

I say I think because I spent three days and over 18 hours fucking with my desktop computer to remove viruses that weren’t there.

Yes, I had a couple of viruses. Your program found the little PUPs and were able to remove one but not the other, even though the specific PUPs were guaranteed to be removed by your program. They were removed after much fuss, time, wasted energy, and money by Kaspersky Total Security.

The PUP (Potentially Unwanted Programs) causing me the most grief was Weevah, a redirecting beastie that redirected web links to spam sites randomly. Your software promised to deal with it. The virus infected the browser and links I’d click. I’d click on a link and it would redirect to a crap site. I’d close the tab immediately. Click on the link again, it might redirect or actually go to the site I wanted.

Still concerned that the virus wasn’t gone, I ran UnHackMe again, and again, and again, and again, and again.

Each time I ran the malware scan that identified the virus in the first place, a few minutes into the scan, that promised 5 minutes and took 10-20 minutes, a popup would ask me to prove I was human before the scan would continue. The popup said that TotalVirus was asking me of this. Since it wasn’t UnHackMe, WTF is Total Virus and what business did it have of intruding onto my computer without my permission? If you read the fine print, it says that after clicking it will transfer me to a humanity checking web page. What the hell is that? A warning that it is going to initiate my browser, which is closed because it is hacked, and take me to a web page so I can prove my humanity? I’m losing my humanity as I continue to work with this crap.

UnHackMe dialog to confirm you are human

Click this, and it would popup a web page in my browser. ARGH! The site was TotalVirus wanted me to confirm I wasn’t a robot. Really? As I didn’t know what TotalVirus was, I briefly considered it was the next step in a total takeover of my computer by a virus. Great. Just what I was trying to prevent.

The web page went to TotalVirsus, a company that isn’t UnHackMe, so I’m even more suspicious. I did a search and find out that Google bought TotalVirus a few years ago, but there is nothing on the web page that gives me a sense of trust or connection with UnHackMe. It could be the virus at work again. I don’t know anything but I’m suspicious.

UnHackMe - Click the CAPTCHA to spawn an ad website.

The first few times, I didn’t click the confirmation. Then I connected it to the paused UnHackMe scan. So I gave in and clicked, and the scan recommenced. BUT! When I hit submit, the web page spawned a new site that redirected to an ad site, looking spammy, the exact same action as the virus hooked into my browser.

Shit!

So, I run scans with UnHackMe again, and again, and again. I run full scans with Windows Defender and Kaspersky. My computer bogs down and I can’t get anything done without delays and never ending popups telling me to confirm I’m human or update security definitions and such.

It goes into another day, and another. I even reboot my computer into safe mode and run scans. Nothing found. Nothing happening. Still I get redirect issues – until I realize that the redirects only happen from that damn CAPTCHA page.

I’m so tired, I can’t see. I’ve been up against deadlines and unable to concentrate on my work for all the virus scanning interruptions. To realize that it was all fixed three days ago and I’ve been hunting a phantom virus because of the piss-poor way that UnHackMe yanks us around until we sign up for their crap. I need sleep. I need calm. I’ve wasted three days on this shit.

Seriously. This is NOT the way to earn trust nor customers. Clean up your act, folks.

Fixing UnHackMe

First, bring your interface into this century. It is clunky.

Second, give us another way to nag us into buying your software. Don’t interrupt the promised 5 minute scan so it takes ages as the popup is easily missed. The popup stayed in the background for over an hour once because I missed it, it dropped behind windows, and I was trying to work and assumed it went away. It didn’t, and the scan froze at that spot in the scan.

Third, NEVER force a web page to open for any reason. We’re using your software. That means we are human by default. We installed it, using it, human here. Do you really have a problem with bots downloading and installing your program and abusively running it to scan their hard drives? Really? And if they were, what harm is it to you. It is more harm to the owners of the hard drives. If your API is working right, it sent the info and is done with your site and database.

If you have to do this stupid thing of forcing a web page to open, brand it. You idiots. This is a change for a landing page to market the crap out of your stuff some more, and you missed out. You just created an annoyance, and it pissed me off, thus you get this negative review and post because your dumb actions convinced me the virus was still on my browser.

Fourth, NEVER force web pages to open to advertising. It’s just gross, spammy, and beneath your dignity. Have some self-respect.

Lastly, clean up your marketing. Just because we don’t click your ads to upgrade to a paid or better version doesn’t mean we aren’t interested. We are in panic mode. Our system has been violated, we’ve been potentially data-raped. This is not a good time to make buying decisions or put up with “Lose this deal” warnings to close the deal. Really? Again, self-respect. Got some.

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Dear Websites: Please Stop Using Interstitials, Popups, and Fix Your Bad Code

Dear Websites:

I’ve run across a few websites and blogs recently running interstitials (the modern term for “popup windows that overlay not pop) and a variety of scripts and bad code that cause browser errors.

Please stop this.

The reasons are many, but here are a few.

  1. We hate them.
  2. Interstitials require effort on our part to close which is not a good first impression.
  3. Interstitials work on the clueless not influencers, so check your stats to see if these are really turning into conversions or annoyance.
  4. Browser errors popup warnings in our faces, which is ridiculous in this day and age when it is easy to fix all these and prevent them.
  5. Update your site’s code regularly, for our sake but mostly your own, especially for security reasons. It makes us think bad things when your site is so out of date our browser warns us.
  6. If your site is out of date in look, feel, and functionality, what do you think that says about your content, purpose, and business?

Thank you for updating your sites and fixing all errors today.

Lorelle
The Tech Nag

Dear TED, Don’t Force Yourself Upon Us

Dear Ted:

When it comes to changing the world, few do so more than TED videos. Your tag line, ideas worth spreading, is a humble way of describing the power and influence of your presentations by amazing people.

However, when it comes to presenting your videos, please help improve the world by making your videos not play automatically.

I will often cruise through and open several tabs of TED videos in my browser, then life will charge back in and I’ll have to feed the cats, take a phone call, pay bills, and respond to the mundane life a tech nag leads. If perchance I have to close and restart my browser for a million different reasons, I have to plow through fifty or more tabs to find which ones have the TED videos on to stop them from playing. I’ll suddenly have 3 to 7 voices all talking at me and the video downloads will slow down my computer and browser, not to mention my horrible Internet connection.

While I’m not sure it’s a web standard yet, it is should be. Either way, TED, you exist to change the world. Please set an example for all to follow and give us our control back. Allow us to press PLAY to lose ourselves in the wisdom of others and don’t force yourselves upon us.

Thank you,

Lorelle
The Tech Nag

Dear Browsers, Stop the Browser Hacks, Please.

Dear Browsers (and I’m talking to all of you):

I’m reading Paul Irish’s article on the Browser Market Pollution and it makes me ill.

As a web designer and developer, I hate when I have to create a new framework or revisit a current one and deal with browser hacks.

I’ve dealt with browser hacks going back to versions no one on the planet is using any more, even those prior to IE 6. I had hacks for Netscape, IE4, IE5, IE5.5, and so on. I even have hacks for current versions of IE7, IE8, and even IE9.

Oh, you other browsers, Safari, Opera, Firefox, I’ve had hacks for your versions as well, so don’t think you are getting out of this nag.

Irish explains that even as we go forward, the browser industry’s failure to maintain web standards and ridiculous need for proprietary crap that messes with web design, causing even more hacks, will continue and web designers will have to maintain multiple hacks and custom support for multiple browser versions on and on and on into the future.

I’m so tired of coverying your asses with my designs and fixing the designs by others for clients.

When Tim Berners-Lee and his team developed the web as we know it, the goal was to break down the code barriers that stopped the easy exchange of data and information so we could all communicate together. Browser hacks put burdens upon that tenuous web when you all should be reinforcing it with strength.

Please let us stop fixing your problems with browser hacks.

Thank you,

Lorelle
The Tech Nag